Implosion

Maria Sunshine Aurora Moonbeam Elfkin was the newest Shinigami in the Shoka department, a transfer from one of the American divisions. She had died barely six months earlier, but it didn’t bother her at all, because her strong desire to help people and make their lives better had meant that dying, for her, was only the beginning! She had long, thick, luxurious golden hair that swayed down to her shapely behind, eyes that changed colour depending on her mood, and a face that struck awe into all those who saw it at her sheer beauty. Within hours of arriving, she had perfected Watari’s gender-switching potion (who found this very irritating, because it was his gender-switching potion, dammit), forced a smile out of Tatsumi (who was secretly praying that she would go away so he could get on with the accounts), and established herself as the most knowledgeable and loveable Shinigami in the department, ever. (She made a flow chart to demonstrate.) But to Maria Sunshine Aurora Moonbeam Elfkin, there was something missing about the department. Something vital. Something . . . sexy. “Ah, Tsuzuki-san. You’ve overspent your allowance again.” “But Tatsumi! They had those cream puff pastry things with real strawberries! Real strawberries!” “Hisoka-kun, can you not at least attempt to restrain him when he sees desserts?” “I’ve tried. He broke my nose.” “That was an accident!” Maria’s eyes lit up – literally – as she gazed on the most gorgeous thing to appear in front of her since she looked in the mirror that morning. Tsuzuki Asato, with his deep purple eyes and angst leaking from every pore – oh, she just knew she was the one to save him from the deep, dark depression that followed him wherever he went. “Tsuzuki-san!” she trilled, crossing the room to clasp his hand between both of hers, pressing it to her double-d breasts. “I’m so glad to have finally met you! You know, from the moment I saw you, I just knew—” Tsuzuki whimpered and shoved Hisoka between himself and Maria. “Save me from the scary lady!” Hisoka crossed his arms and scowled. “Why? You broke my nose.” “I’ll be nice to you forever!” “No.” “Please?” “No. Now let go of me.” Maria frowned. This wasn’t going quite how she had imagined it would. “Oh, Tsuzuki-san, I’ll just get this little boy out of our way, shall I?” she said. “I’m sure you don’t need him any more, now I’m here!” Hisoka went very still, then scowled ferociously at her. “What part of this idiot hiding behind me do you not understand?” he snapped. “He doesn’t like you. I don’t like you. Go away.” “Hisoka, my hero!” Tsuzuki cried. Maria blinked. “You . . . don’t like me?” she said. Hisoka glowered. “No.” “But Tsuzuki-san definitely likes me!” she exclaimed, looking imploringly at her soulmate. “We’re meant to be together! It’s fate!” “It’s you being insane,” Hisoka said. “And, um, I don’t really like you that much,” Tsuzuki said from over Hisoka’s shoulder. “Can I have my hand back?” Maria’s multi-coloured eyes went very wide. “You . . . don’t like me?” she asked. “Um, no.” “Oh, I . . . oh dear. . . .” she said, staggering backwards a couple of steps – letting go of Tsuzuki’s hand as she did so, to his relief. “I think. . . .” she began, before her head exploded from having to deal with the idea that someone didn’t like her. Hisoka stared at the mess she caused on the desks. “Damn,” he said. “I was hoping she’d implode.”

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