How Many Rabbits

“Naruto-kun! I understand I have reason to congratulate you!” Naruto blinked at Lee, somewhat comically arrested in mid-motion as a result of his friend’s abrupt appearance. “Er, what?” he asked. Lee struck a pose, thumb extended and teeth glinting. “On your relationship with Gaara-san! As we are in the Springtime of our Youth, we must seize the Opportunities for Love that come our way, and not be afraid to grasp them with both hands! For as we are Dedicated Shinobi, the sad eventuality of our deaths may arise at any moment—” Naruto thought he saw Neji roll his eyes at Lee’s back, but he wasn’t sure – then again, it was difficult to tell where a Hyuuga was looking in the first place so that probably wasn’t his fault. Shifting into a position that wasn’t balanced on one leg mid-step, Naruto snuck a cautious look at his lover. Thankfully, Gaara looked more puzzled than homicidal. For all that Naruto cared for the other man, Gaara’s mind was nothing short of a minefield and Naruto was only just beginning to work out the safe routes through. It was a little tiring sometimes, having to watch your step lest your lover snap and level the closest few buildings, but . . . overall, it was worth it. Gaara was much better than he had been and improving all the time. “Lee.” Naruto’s attention snapped back to the present so fast he was glad whiplash was a physical ailment. Lee had stopped mid-speech, blinking at Gaara. “. . . Yes?” Gaara’s eyebrows were creased, and he was staring in that eerie, unblinking way at Lee. “What does ‘Springtime of Youth’ mean?” he asked. “Oh!” Lee fumbled a bit, searching for an answer. “It’s to do with how we are at the peak of our lives, in our Youth, and we have only just reached our peak so that is our Springtime, and—” “What does that have to do with Naruto and myself?” Across from him, Naruto could see Neji examining the two men with what passed for an amused look on his face. Naruto himself was torn between bursting into laughter and running for the nearest mountain to hide behind. “Well, it, er—” Lee blushed, looking uncomfortable, then rallied and struck a pose again. “When two young Shinobi are in the Springtime of their Life and have fallen Deep into the Romantic Majesty of Love—” With dawning horror, Naruto wondered if Lee was actually going to give The Talk to Gaara right there and then. The urge to laugh was getting stronger, and he didn’t dare make a sound for fear that he’d collapse in hysterics right then and there. Gaara scowled as Lee continued, arms folded across his chest. Naruto could have told Lee that his flowery speeches were just serving to make the problem worse, since Gaara was as blunt as a hammer with about as much tact – but this was just too funny and oh fuck he was going to hell for not stopping this but it was so hard not to burst out laughing. Neji caught his eye across from Lee and Gaara, and Naruto nearly lost it. “Lee,” Gaara began again. “It means you need to fuck like rabbits,” Neji interrupted, and Naruto had no idea how Neji kept a straight face but that was the last straw and he was on the ground and oh fuck, his ribs hurt and why would your body make you hurt from laughing too hard? Gaara was scowling at him, but it appeared that he still had questions to ask so Naruto’s slow and bloody death could wait until later. “How many rabbits?” he asked.

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